بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
Oh Mom you don’t understand! It’s a new era, things have been changed now!
This sentence or likewise expression has continuously been uttered and shall always be so in every home on earth, Whether it belongs to East or the West. More often children use these words of exclamations to their parents especially to their mothers, whenever, they try to teach them how to deal with life’s ups and downs. I would not be considered wrong if I say that every mother has to listen to this sentence once in a life time. In fact it’s a sort of natural phenomenon we can safely say with new generation, as the children grew up they do realize that their parents have spent an “older version” of time period which was not ultra modern as compare to the present one. Well they are right to some extent, however, there is a big BUT and today I am insha ALLAH going to discuss that specific “But” which shall explain the negative intensity while using “UFF’. So here I go…….
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Whenever I hear this sentence, my thoughts entangle with the verse of glorious Qur’aan. The verse Number 23 of surah Asra says “YOUR LORD HAS DECREED THAT YOU WORSHIP NONE HIM AND DO GOOD TO PARENTS. IF ANY ON OF THEM OR BOTH OF THEM REACH OLD AGE, DO NOT SAY TO THEM UFF (a word or expression of anger or contempt) AND DO NOT SCOLD THEM RATHER ADDRESS THEM WITH RESPECTFUL WORDS .
Textual evidence, testifying to the prestige of parents, in the Qur’aan and the Ahadees abounds. How grateful we should be to our Almighty Lord ALLAH (Subhanahu Wa Ta’aala) and his beloved Prophet (Peace be upon him), that they gave us guiding principle about our being mindful of our most precious possessions, our parents. I have thought for some time about this specific word “UFF” ( FIE ) rather I have been so keen so meticulous and got an area of interest towards this tiny word (though it is not SO in its depth) I wanted to do some research. I thought I should enrich my healthy (as far as I am concerned) curiosity that why Almighty ALLAH (Subhanahu Wa Ta’aala) has to use this word.
Obviously one might be thinking that he never articulate “Uff” to their parents, rather if we notice that conversation or argument in anger or in irritation starts with words of disrespect (most of the time) in reality this word of contempt is not registered when we pronounce it through our tongue only but it includes our thoughts and expression too.
Turning up our nose, cringing, making a weird face, can be some of the examples. To abridge, the instant you feel a certain repulsion towards anything concerning your parents, be it having to discuss the day with them or carrying out a chore that they want you to be done with, it very much is worse than saying “Uff”.
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Instead, they are the beings who deserve our utmost respect, as ALLAH (Subhanahu Wa Ta’aala) in the same verse as well as in other places elevats kindness to parents, especially to mothers, to a status second only to the worship of ALLAH (Subhanahu Wa Ta’aala’s) Himself.
In general, most statements of responsibility to parents include both father and mother but the mother in Islam is granted more in this respect. So, making our parents sad is one of the many ways to earn ALLAH (Subhanahu Wa Ta’aala’s) anger.
So cut the argument short lets quickly find out about “UFF” it’s a smallest of word which describes anger and disrespect towards human being. Hazrat Ali RaziALLAH said that if there would have been a smaller word than Uff, ALLAH(Subhanahu Wa Ta’aala) would have mentioned that too.
Students of psychology knows very well that words have their impact either good or bad, It’s the word that can hurt people and it is the words that give courage, hope and affection. Action seldom hurts rather these are words which hurt badly. I am not going to discuss about all words of exclamations but my focus shall Insha’ALLAH be on that specific word in question, I shall try to find out what exactly this word has in it. ALLAH (Subhanahu Wa Ta’aala) mentioned this word against word Kareem, which means it’s totally an opposite word of “uff” ,the word Kareem is also a name of ALLAH (Subhanahu Wa Ta’aala) which means mercy, kindness, generosity, graciousness and love and peace.
The relationship of the Muslim to his parents should be of the highest order of human relationship and is on going, even beyond the point of death. In the Holy Qur’an ALLAH (Subhanahu Wa Ta’aala) says “ And we have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents; in hardship upon hardship did his mother bear him (during pregnancy), and in years twain was his weaning “ (Surah Luqman 31:14)
In that specific verse, the pregnancy and the period of breastfeeding are specifically mentioned along with the commandment for us to be dutiful and thankful to our parents. It is a stirring call onto us to bear in mind our basis, when we were but helpless beings in our mother’s womb, so that we are grateful to our mothers for carrying us thus. The bond that a mother, especially a new mother, shares with her child is beyond compare. Most mothers live and breathe according to their child’s needs and demands.
I think there is No need to elaborate all those hardships and sacrifices which parents are supposed to have from birth of a baby to teenage (or beyond that), but let me discuss few of them, most of us would be well aware of the fact that new mothers get little or no sleep and they nibble on bites of anything they can get their hands on. That unconditional love that a mother feels for her children is a mercy and blessing from ALLAH (Subhanahu Wa Ta’aala).
Recently fascinating research has been done on the power of words we speak daily in our lives ( I am quoting Lynne Lee’s It’s time to think before you speak) Lynne is a Christian life coach and spiritual mentor) and she says that Words can lead to stress, anguish and broken relationships. Words can ruin lives. But words can also empower, encourage, uplift, and comfort. Words can be the beginning of something great, and words can help bring about positive change. Words can produce peace.
Before you speak harsh words, might it be wise to consider how these words go beyond your intended target? Whether or not you have power in other parts of your life, you will always be able to use the power of words. Choose to wield this power for positive creations. Words are more powerful than you realise. They have the power to
wound or heal discourage or encourage tear down or build up
Your words have more power than you imagine. There’s something creative and powerful about the words you speak. That’s why you need to think before you speak.
The first step is to become aware of what you’re saying. The second is to choose to exercise self-control. Your words have the power to bring life or death into your relationships,present and your future.
They create realities. ALLAH (Subhanahu Wa Ta’aala) spoke the universe into being with words. When He said “Let there be light”, there was light.In the light of above, I would like to pose a question “why is it then that it is our parents only who get harsh treatment and bitter words from us? How can be grateful to even a stranger who does us a single act of kindness, even it if it is as meager as getting us a glass of water. But, when it comes to our own parents, we become negligent to the limitless favors that they have privileging us with; can we make a list of all they do for us? But whether we pay any heed or not, whether we show any good grace to them or not, they carry on… like a blessed rain.
There are people who are famous & successful today because one of their teachers in school believed in them, and lavished praise & encouragement onto them.There are people who are emotional cripples today because of verbal abuse heaped on them by their parents.We can bless someone, or we can curse them.
So If I elaborate all this in few simple lines I would say that word of contempt must not be uttered before your parents especially to mothers, as this specific word “UFF” has lethal impact , its toxication is more sever than any other word it express distaste or disapproval, it is an exclamation, denoting, contempt or dislike, an expression of disappointment, irritation or disgust, it’s an act of despising; the feeling with which one regards that, which is esteemed mean, vile or worthless; disdain; scorn etc . I can tell you more and more, but my main objective or cause is to make you understand that only this specific word “UFF” contains many swords of disobedience, arrogance, disgrace, shame and the state of being despised. So it is time for us to check while talking to people especially to our precious asset our mothers.
At last but not the least I would like to give a slight touch that beside our parents, our words can be like poisonous darts into the hearts of others as well (who are not our parents but human beings) to destroy them, or our words can be a soothing balm. The choice is ours…..
